Don't Break My Heart Again
by shogi
Summary: Even if I still want you by my side, even if I still miss you... I can't. 1x5


**Title:** Don't Break My Heart Again

**Universe:** Gundam Wing

**Warning:** Slash, angst, OOC-ness, pov changes

**Pairing:** 1x5x1

**Rating:** PG

**Summary:** Even if I still want you by my side, Even if I still love you... I can't.

**A/N:** This is my first GW fic I've ever written to completion so please tell me what you honestly thought. Also, this story was inspired by the song "Break Each Other's Hearts Again" with Don Henley and Reba McEntire.

* * *

_"Do you still drink whiskey, Wufei?"_

For some reason, as the rain pattered down around me, bleak and miserable; that was the first question that popped into my head when I saw you sitting there.

Inane question? Yes, I knew that. You always drink whiskey whenever you find yourself with the urge to drink something alcoholic. Not that that had been often before, but now, when I saw you sitting at the bar more frequently of late, I did wonder if that was still all you drank.

The first time I saw you again, I was just passing by this bar and I got nervous and almost turned around. But something made me stay. Something hurt inside me so badly that I couldn't find it in me to move away and stop that pain. I wanted to know what it was about you that made me hurt like this.

So I continued to stand there, in the shadows, and I watched you.

_"Mind if I sit down?" _

I could read the words on the man's mouth as he came to stand beside you and I couldn't breathe around the immediate lump that formed in my throat. My hands tightened and curled into fists and I wanted to go inside and pull him away from you. To make him disappear. To make sure he never saw you again. Never walked over to you again.

That night… I did hear what you said, you know? I'm so sorry now that I ran away and that I couldn't answer you then. I still can't believe how stupid I was.

Would you hear what I said now?

Would you even stop to listen?

_"Well, so long then_."

Finally. You're shaking your head and the man is leaving at last.

Is it horrible of me to still have the urge to follow him and make sure he never comes back? But I know that you would not approve and that, in reality, I don't have the right to say who does or does not talk to you.

But I wish I did.

I wish I didn't miss you this much.

I wish I could hold you again.

I wish I could kiss you again.

I wish I could look at you and have you look back at me with those beautiful dark eyes of yours…

I wish I still had _you_ beside me_._

_Jingle._

* * *

The noise of the bell above the door as it jingles barely registers in my fogged mind.

In all actuality, I haven't had very much to drink but even so, the fog still plagues my head. It has for a while now. Ever since…

I tilt my head back and down another shot of whatever it is that I am drinking. Not whiskey. I can't drink whiskey anymore. Not since…

I signal for another drink.

Gazing blankly at the counter before me I wait for my drink to come and for the fog to creep even further over my mind. It would, if I sit here long enough, even cloud out my memories for a while but I don't plan on staying here that long… maybe.

_Clink._

Grabbing the glass, I tip it back again.

And splutter.

"What the hell-?"_Whiskey?!_ Why-?

"Do you mind if I sit here?"

Whirling, I just about fall off my stool but strong arms catch me up and hold me steady.

I jerk back unconsciously and instead steady myself against the counter and gaze in horror at the messy dark hair and gleaming blue eyes that have been haunting my sleep for these past few weeks.

My mouth gapes uselessly as I try to comprehend what I am seeing with what I know.

"Wufei? Are you all right?"

NO, I am fucking _not_ alright but…

_"_What- what are you doing here?!"

Shrug.

...Well, eloquent as always huh?

The tightness in my chest has increased, seeing his face again but… I can't deny that somewhere in my heart, I am glad to see him again, in spite of everything.

But I know the reasons why we parted are valid. And we both know it was the right choice.

"What do you need, Yuy? Is there a mission?"

A strange expression flits across Heero's face but I disregard it. I need to get out of here too badly to think about interesting expressions on the stoic pilot's face.

"Well? Is there?"

Head shake. No.

"Then I have to get going. Excuse me."

I stand to go and actually make it three steps before a hand is grasping my wrist in a tight, almost painful hold.

"Wait."

I don't turn around.

"Wufei... Wait, please."

I turn. And feel my already shattered heart shatter all over again.

There is a vulnerable look about Heero and I know. I know what it is he wants.

And I want it too...

But... "No, Heero. We're done."

The hand around my wrist flexes, tightening and then releasing me completely.

I drop my hand to my side and turn around, walking away.

Inside I was being torn apart but I knew that this was what had to be. Heero didn't love me. Could never love me. I knew that and he had proved it that night when I had whispered into his ear, warm and welcoming; and received nothing but a cold bed in return. The bed had been empty, the closet had been cleaned, and his pack had been gone. I had definitely received that message loud and clear and Heero, as usual, had had to say nothing.

There is no way I am going to let him break me again.

Even if I do miss him.

Even if I do want to hold him again.

Even if I do want to kiss him again.

Even if I do want to look into his beautiful, intense eyes again.

…Even if I still wish I could have him at my side.

We are obviously no good for each other but still… it's much harder to let go than I had hoped.

But I don't look back.

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**A/N: **So... please review. Whether you liked it or not and also, I have the possibility of another chapter for this; if you think I should add that too, or if it's good as is, please let me know.

Thanks for reading!

-shogi

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